Any Help is Hard to Find
by Fictionnaire
Summary: Gibbs is having plumbing problems at home.  He calls up Naval Services to get help but what happens when Harmon Rabb answers.  Written for the How I Hate Customer Service challenge


Any Help is Hard to Find

A/N: Gibbs is having problems with his plumbing at home. So he calls the Navy Help Center to get them to come and fix it. But soon learns that sometimes calling for help isn't always helpful.

Starring: Agent Gibbs and Harmon Rabb jr

Gibbs had always been a busy man. When his house plumbing broke down he needed it fixed ASAP. He found the number of the Navy Help Center and called them up. He sighed in annoyance when the monotonous tone of an automated recording picked up.

"Following in his Father's footsteps as a Naval Aviator, Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb junior suffered a crash while landing his Tom Cat on a storm tossed carrier at sea. Diagnosed with Night Blindness, Harm transferred to the Naval Technical Core which helps Naval employees with technical difficulties. He now fights in person or on the phone with same daring and tenacity that made him a Top Gun in the air," the automated voice on the other end of the line said.

"Commander Rabb," finally, a human voice answered.

"Right. Yes… I'm calling to get assistance with my Residential plumbing," Gibbs stated the reason for his call.

"How'd you find me?" Rabb demanded to know.

"Saw your ad in the Naval phone book," Gibbs answered. He was surprised at the tone. "I'm having problems. The sinks have no suction and it takes ages for the water to drain out. Can you recommend a temporary solution until I can get it fixed permanently?" Gibbs asked.

"Half a dozen Seawolf class submarines move in counter clockwise circles around and around creating a Coriolis Vortex. Suck down a ship or a plane like a rubber duck down a bathtub," Rabb spoke softly as if afraid someone might overhear.

"Sounds extreme. What about a special cleaning remedy that may dissolve some of the gunk?" Gibbs asked. Surely Rabb was pulling his leg.

"That's ridiculous," Rabb sounded annoyed.

Palmer walked passed Gibbs in the bullpen to drop off an autopsy report on the Lead Agent's desk. "Palmer! Deal with this and get my plumbing fixed," Gibbs was already at his wit's end. "You can talk with Palmer," Gibbs would let them talk about the technical stuff.

"Palmer's a sociopath," Rabb answered quickly.

Gibbs shook his head and Palmer left the bullpen. "When's the earliest possible time you can get someone out to my house?" Gibbs asked. He could make sure he was home then.

"Better call NCIS," Rabb suggested.

"I work for NCIS!" Gibbs shouted at the phone.

"Do you know, Kate?" Rabb asked.

Gibbs ignored the question. "Can you get somebody to my place ASAP!" Gibbs was beyond annoyed.

"Aye Sir," Rabb answered.

"Do NOT call me sir," Gibbs warned. He hated that title. Everybody that knew him knew his hatred for it.

"Bug me," Rabb corrected himself quickly.

"Damn right I'm going to bug you. I want you at my place ASAP!" Gibbs was now standing up. The phone call was going downhill.

"No blindfolds," Rabb answered.

"I don't know what kind of person you think I am… I have no intention on using blindfolds," Gibbs stated quickly.

"Don't take it personally," Rabb told him.

Gibbs sat back down in his seat. That line from Rabb took him by surprise. He massaged his forehead. What the hell had blindfolds got to do with plumbing? "Alright… You know where I live? You know how to get there?" Gibbs asked.

"Sublevel 2… Beyond the purple watercooler," Rabb was confident.

"Is that some sort of plumber's code?" Gibbs asked. At this rate he might have to share DiNozzo's apartment.

"Aye, Sir," Rabb responded.

"Do NOT call me Sir," Gibbs raised his tone.

"Rugby," Rabb quickly corrected himself.

Gibbs was even more confused. How'd the hell did that come into it? "In preparation of your work do I need to have anything ready?" Gibbs asked. He wanted to get this phone call over as quick as possible.

"Can you get me a list of UFO sightings along the Florida Coast?" Rabb sounded sincere in his request.

Gibbs eyed the phone in stunned silence. Rabb was being absurd and seemed to be deliberately setting out to piss him off. "What the hell has that got to do with plumbing?" Gibbs eventually asked.

"This is strictly routine," Rabb gave the cryptic response.

"Your ROUTINE is really pissing me off! I'm wondering why you're being so difficult," Gibbs demanded to know.

"Ask me," Rabb said.

"When your job is to offer customer assistance, you're not offering helpful assistance," Gibbs continued.

"Ask me… Ask me," Rabb prodded.

"Why are you in customer service delivering such poor customer service?" Gibbs asked in his commanding angry tone.

"You think I killed Lauren Singer," Rabb sounded surprised.

"I thought we got passed that. Now you WILL come to my house tomorrow and fix my plumbing you got that?" Gibbs shouted to the phone.

"Aye, Sir," Rabb said.

Gibbs was sure he heard Harm smiling. "DON'T CALL ME SIR!" Gibbs pounded the receiver against the table after reaching breaking point. It was impossible for him to reach through the phone and throttle Harmon Rabb so beating up the receiver. The receiver broke in half since it was unable to withstand the aggression.

"Oh great. I have to go and order a requisition form," Gibbs muttered. He walked over to Ziva's desk and called to have a requisition form e-mailed to him.

"Commander Rabb," the voice on the end of the line introduced himself. It was at that time, Gibbs felt like screaming out of pure frustration. It only took all of his self control to not do that. After all, agents in the Squadroom were already looking in his direction out of curiosity.


End file.
